Modern male-female relationships have developed a new trend that was once a taboo – cohabiting. Some people treat it as preparation for marriage when in fact, it is preparation for divorce! I will explain this shortly!
Once upon a time, a young lady knew, if she spent a night outside her parents home there would be consequences; that she would be expected to return to the man that she has, by default bound herself to, to get him to present himself to her family and take responsibility for their actions. The man would then have to either marry her or pay a penalty for offending the family honor. But times have changed.
Some men and women would live together even for several years, without prospect or promise of marriage on the horizon, even with several children. Never mind that legally their parting could be treated as a divorce in the courts of law.
Why do people want the privileges without the responsibility? Why do they feel they can pick and choose the elements of marriage they want, and get rid of all the rest? The excuses are many. Some think they can “test run” a potential marriage partner. Others feel that as long as they “get away with it” then it’s alright. Others even feel it is nobody’s business how they run
their life. Others feel God will “understand” their weakness. All these excuses fall apart because, first of all, there is no such thing as a “test run” for a marriage. The conditions can never be exactly the same, as those where solemn vows have been made and lifelong commitments exist. It remains a foreign experience to the two until they actually enter it. As for getting away with it, God will be the judge of that – literally. But there are some dangerous present day consequences as well.
When people get accustomed to meeting a stranger and giving them “everything” body and soul, then walking away, they are practicing how to be intimate without meaning or purpose. They see no reason to learn self-control or patience. Is it surprising when, those who never learnt it before marriage, are unable to have it when they marry? The constraints of a sick spouse or a distant education tour or even an argument, send them back to their self- training, the path of least resistance, easy and cheap pleasure? Cohabiting does that – a path of least resistance. There is no thinking twice before choosing to share ones bed, and no responsibility for choosing to kick someone out. Love has become cheap, and promises have become meaningless. It becomes a habit, then a lifestyle and thus a part of character, not so easy to turn around.
This is not to say that avoiding this lifestyle when single guarantees a heavenly marriage. There are many people who have “kept” themselves, are become bitter when they find themselves not even matched in lifestyle. The point is, when need to remember we do not belong to ourselves. We have a society, a community, a nation and above all, a Creator. The same way, I cannot say “it is my business which side of the road I drive on”, you have to move in co-ordination with society to be a force for good and not destruction. If someone is only thinking about their own pleasure, perhaps they have not begun to understand the word they fraudulently claim gives them license for this marriage treason – the word love. For, love is nothing if it is not considerate.
But then, each of us has gone astray, each has turned to his own way. We think we can make our own rules for life without consequences. I am not saying that there are not people who are enjoying this lifestyle. If that weren’t the case, I would not be writing this article right now! The question is not, do they enjoy themselves. The question is; what have they lost, what have they unwittingly sacrificed for this pleasure? What price will they and their children have to pay for this way of life? Perhaps a future where marriage is unknown and kids will only dream of seeing two parents under one roof. But worst of all a world where we become so self-righteous that nobody will even care about this issue anymore, because can neither make nor believe promises anymore. And I assert before you today, the price is too high. That is not a world you want to live in.
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