Gossip

Few things are so widely condemned and as widely practiced as gossip! People seated in a corner or under a tree discussing the latest on someone’s friend/cousin/teacher/ neighbor or whoever. A group of self appointed experts dissect someone’s life and put their wrongs and misfortunes under a magnifying glass. Have you ever walked in on a group of people and they suddenly become quite and uncomfortable? You know the feeling, where they quickly fish for some new topic to pretend they have been discussing all along.





Why is gossip such a problem? Firstly, gossip is one of those things we can usually get away with – I mean there will be no obvious consequences such as a court case or a fight. The concerned people are never there to give their side of the story as the facts are offloaded as juicy morsels to be devoured by the listeners! It is because they can “get away with it” that it is so rampant. Secondly, we all love attention, and some are captivated by the undivided attention they get when two or three people come round, all ears for the latest news from their favorite source! Gossip can be a way of releasing frustration about people we feel we cannot confront. Also gossip is an “easier” way to find out what is happening to people, usually concerning things that are none of our business! We want to avoid the effort of getting to know people and earn their trust, as well as opening ourselves up to them. The easier route is to go for constant updates from the local grapevine, never mind verifying the stories! It seems gossip is a permanent part of life, like day and night, it is set to be there for a long time to come.

What are the effects? The most obvious is a lack of trust. They say “once bitten twice shy”, so once you have experienced your darkest secret entrusted to a friend circulating round town, we won’t blame you for keeping a safe distance from the same friend. Friendships become artificial where you keep your deepest thoughts to yourself and have a separate public ace. Friendships become general acquaintances who know nothing about you beyond the general “hi” every other day. This leads to a lot of lonely people who do not trust and perhaps are not trusted in turn. A “cold war” is declared, and people who smile at each other when together have nothing good to say about each other when they are apart. Is it truly worth the cost of assassinated friendships and being labeled a loud mouth?

Now I am not saying you cannot talk about people problems. But I think there are two ways to talk about problems: You could be someone looking for a solution to a problem, trying to help someone who is seeking advice, or you could be trying to correct someone whose lifestyle is leading them down a dangerous path, and you want to use a real person as an example and say “Don’t end up like that one”. In those two cases, you are allowed to talk about someone’s life to the right people. This means, it is usually a parent, friend, teacher or boss who may talk this way. But it is very different from turning your friends life in television soap for entertainment.

How can we change this? We need to start by understanding how unfair gossip is. After all, we do not enjoy others gossiping about us, so why should we subject other to this scrutiny? Unless someone wants to help me, pray for me or use me as an example ( to follow or avoid), I don’t see why I should discover anyone in a corner referring to me in hushed tones. Let us also learn the value of a good reputation. The moment of laughter is long gone, but the reputation you make will be with you for a longtime. Trust is hard to earn and must not be easily betrayed. It is better to have a few good friends than to be known as a crowd entertainer and be lonely inside. Count the cost. You can have private conversations, but never have guilty conversations that leave you feeling like a traitor.

It is up to us to create friendships that will last, built on trust and make a society where each person hides behind emotional walls to keep their heart safe.